oh man– im having semi regrets about leaving.
thinking about staying at this job for another year really doesn’t make me want to stay- but thinking about all the wonderful people i’ve met, and how much japanese i’ve learned, and all of the experiences i’ve had in just one year… makes one year seem way too short.
In retrospect, I have liked my job, but there are days that i stare into space for a majority of the day and really, really feel like a waste of space. I know I’m making the right decision by leaving, but i’m really going to miss my life that i have built up here…
not to mention the fact that 10 months into being here I’m finally making some friends my age, and really thinking about how much i appreciate all my other friends and surroundings here. Somehow I’ve gotten involved with so many things and have realized just how many people i know and how being proactive really pays off.
The impending fact that i’m leaving is really making me emotional. every time a teacher or a student finds out im leaving and asks me why? i have no really good reason that i can spit out in japanese. and i want to cry and I get all bleary eyed, what a bummer. i hate goodbyes
i feel this way about everything though- will i ever find something as good as i have now? should i give it up? i always find something else though. not necessarily better- just different, but in a good way.
my life is wonderful- what will happen next? sometimes it leaves me with all sorts of anxiety- but if i think about it in a different way- its exciting and im very fortunate. my new goal is to think of things from a more positive angle. it seems to be working out nicely so far.
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May 28, 2008 at 11:51 am
Caitlin
I have been having thoughts of “what if I only stayed a year? What adventure could I have next?!”
The private ALT that is living in my apartment is leaving this October. You should probably take her job and help me make more creepy scare crow friends.
May 28, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Rachel
I have a definite problem with never being satisfied, but this seems like a logical and smart decision for you, especially since you accomplished so much!
June 5, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Katie H.
I love how honest your writing always is, Tesni! After I finished reading this one I looked back up at the title and thought, hmm, she kind of answered her own question with that one….since you feel like you’ll always want what you can’t have, then just embrace this and realize that you will say this about the next great job you take on too, so consider it a blessing that you get to leave on a positive note, while all your feelings & memories are good ones…haha, to compare it to a favorite Sex&theCity quote (explaining why the show had to end in the peak of its popularity) SJP said she felt so fortunate to be able to leave when the positivity from fans and the invested passion was still there, rather then ride the experience for all its worth and then have people tire of it and leave on a more of a ‘ho hum’ note…you know? And I don’t mean to trivialize it by referencing a tv show, but I think there’s alot of truth to it! I think you’re doing the right thing, and it’s only natural to question. I’m so proud of you for embracing this foreign experience in the first place…look at how much you’ve grown from it! and….look at it this way, now that you’re wrapping things up in japan, you’re making yourself available for the next great experience that you go after. And you’ll be all the more prepared for it because of the wonderful experiences that Japan afforded you! Don’t be so hard on yourself…your decisions will take you to where you’re supposed to be (or atleast, that’s the mindset I subscribe to!) Sending love and hugs!! Can’t wait to see you SOON!
June 11, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Jay
Yeah, I understand what you’re saying. I feel the same way you do about the job (especially lately), but there are still things I want to do here before I go home. The time isn’t right for me to move on yet. Even though it’s an amazing experience, you knew the time was right to move on to life’s next big adventure. We’ll miss you in the Reinan, and I’m sure you’ll miss Obama, but you can always come back to visit. Japan isn’t going anywhere.